Until I boarded this plane, the best parts of my week happened at yoga. This was my last week in my room at the place that I have called home for the last 2+ years. Living there has meant so much to me that, as I am on a plane, I cannot write about it because I will cry. We’ll leave it at that.
I have started to get this bad feeling that, after reading my blog, that it may appear that when things get tough, K goes to the bar. And yea, sometimes I do. Sometimes I need to be surrounded by my friends and familiar faces. Sometimes I just don’t want to be home. But I’ve also gotten pretty good at self care. I know when I’m having a tough time, and I know that those issues can’t be fixed with alcohol, and they can’t be fixed by constantly being out, forcing myself to be, or at least act, happy. I’ve written about this before, but this is one of those times that I need exercise, particularly yoga and running the most. I have learned, over and over, that when I’m the most scared/stressed that I cannot skip a run or a yoga class. I know, very deeply, that no matter how tired or malnourished or dehydrated I am, that I will never regret a run or a yoga practice.
The cool thing, or perhaps the silver lining of all of this, is that my stress and uncertainty is not only fueling my social life, but it is fueling my physical activities as well. There have been very few times that I have run faster than when I am nearing the edge of my breaking point. (ok, there was this one time in Hawaii…I entered a 5k on an air force base and ran faster than I ever had before, but it was because I was surrounded by gorgeous, horribly fit and fast service men). BUT that’s besides the point – aside from running hard enough to make my legs feel like they are literally going to fly off, I have been pushing myself to my “edge” in yoga as well. The idea of one’s “edge” comes up a lot in yoga, at least the style that I practice. I guess the point is to push yourself out of your comfort zone – try poses that you don’t think you can do, hold them longer than you think you can, don’t leave the room when you think you’re going to fall over, etc.
I have been practicing yoga for 6, yes, 6 years, and this week was the first time I did a handstand without using a wall. I have done tons of inversions, head stands, arm balances…but I have never really tried to do a handstand, by just popping up from a standing split or from downward dog. I have been to TONS of classes where the teacher had us try it, and that was usually the point that I stopped and took my water break. I told myself that I didn’t care to try it, it wasn’t something I really needed in my practice. Truth: I didn’t think I could do it. It seemed hard and weird and I didn’t think my little arms could support my body like that, completely disregarding the fact that its mostly core work, and takes your entire body being solid to do, but, ok, Kristin. But this week was one of those “F* it” weeks, so I actually listened to the teacher when he explained how to get into it. I actually followed his instructions, keeping my feet and legs and core engaged and keeping my hands just shoulder’s distance apart instead of further, and boom, there it was. The first time I got up I know I made a ridiculous “omg!!!!” face – I could feel it, and I have felt that face before – every single time I got up on a wave while surfing in Bali. It’s one of those “look, mom, I’m really doing it!!” faces, and it has got to be one of the goofiest that I make.
That particular class was on Monday. I arrived at the studio a little early, and while I was waiting for the room to open up, I was yawning and wondering if I should have just gone to bed. F that. Side bar: This was Rian’s “Twilight Flow” class at Y2 . I’m not sure what it is about his classes that I love so much – but they make me really, really happy and I feel like I can do anything when I’m in there. I think it’s a mixture of his demeanor, the subtle way he calls poses, says “sweet” a lot, and the music. He’s also got a certain trustworthiness about him, it creates a really safe space to practice in, which results in a bolder practice, for me anyways.
On Wednesday night I went back to Rian’s class. Again, I was really tired, but I had invited my friend Andy to class. Andy and I have been working together for the past few weeks, and I have been raving about yoga, particularly this class to him. So, he agreed to try it. I’m glad he wanted to go, because again, I was on the fence, even though I KNEW it was going to be awesome. Andy had never been to a hot yoga class before and I give him A LOT of credit for coming to that class for his first experience. It took me months of beginner yoga at Gold’s Gym and online classes before I was brave enough to try a specialty yoga studio. He did great, and according to him, he loved it, and wants to keep doing it. I’m glad I could be apart of that inspiration.
I’m currently on a flight to Houston, again. Fortunate enough to be in first class. My life is ridiculous, and wonderful, and despite the stress and fear that I have been experiencing lately, I still consider myself one of the luckiest people in the world.
Here’s a bit about the flight: on a Boeing 737. Definitely an older aircraft. Seats are super dated, but there’s in seat power, which I didn’t have last time, despite it being a new plane. The food was actually really good – tamales, salad, bread, cookie – I was skeptical of the tamale but it was actually tasty. Disclaimer: it was my first meal of the day, at 7pm. The flight attendant seems new, or at least new to this cabin. But he’s sweet and I like his demeanor. The airport was incredibly hectic, but I got through security smoothly and boarded my plane almost immediately. This flight has been incredibly relaxing. I love how much I love to fly. First class helps a lot, btw. 😉
I worked for three unexpected hours today. I came home and packed up my adorable little room, leaving stuff in our hall closet (thanks girls) and the rest in my car. I am incredibly happy to be on a plane right now. I know it sounds silly but I didn’t want to be there when the new girl moves into my room. It’s the end of an era, that’s for sure. I cannot describe how grateful I am to have lived there. My Selwyn house, my Selwyn girls, my Selwyn friends, you have made the last two years so meaningful. I love you.
Another one of my favorite things about Rian’s classes – He plays the song “Upside Down” by Goldford. He plays it at different times each class, but I look forward to it. Give it a listen.
“Sometimes I need a light when the moon is low
Sometimes I need some loving when my feelings show
Although I never found a way to let you know
I also never found a way to let you go
And now I see that look shining on your face
Your smile is warming up just like a sunny place
My worries disappear and all my fears erase
You’re my happy place” Upside Down, Goldford
More to come from Houston. Thanks for reading.