August is the Sunday of summer.
It’s the last month of summer…and much like a typical Sunday,we stack it with expectations that will likely fail miserably. We want our last month of summer to consist of beach trips, boat days, killer tans and maybe one last adventure before fall rolls in. But August is often too much like Sunday… you wake up with plans to do great things, but then you realize that you’re exhausted, likely hungover (maybe still drunk), and just taking a shower feels like work. You may try to be productive or adventurous but you find yourself mildly-grossly intoxicated by 3 pm, cursing the upcoming work week. It goes by in a blur and before you know it the days are getting shorter and everyone’s lives now revolve around football, school, conferences, and the holidays that will be here before you’ve figured out your brunch plans.
I find August to be unsettling at best, likely due to the changes and transitions that typically come at the end of it. Don’t get me wrong – I absolutely ADORE the fall, and I will miss it tremendously this year. But perhaps I’ve had a few too many major life changes occur in the month of August to be totally comfortable with it. And this year is no different- my entire world is about to be thrown into a blender and spit back out on an island in the South Pacific. What is going on?
August also happens to be my birthday month – August 21st is the big day. I feel like the end of August is usually so hectic that by the time my birthday comes, it’s not even a contender for a spot in the forefront of my mind.
I’ll be turning 30 this year. I’ve been saying all along that I’m not afraid to turn 30, it doesn’t make me sad or anxious, and that its not a big deal. And all of those things are true, except for the last one. Turning 30 is a big deal.
I was thinking about all of this while I was running last night. I’m happy to be as old as I am. My twenties were awesome, like- I still have a hard time believing some of the things I got to experience- awesome. But with the good also comes the bad – my twenties were really, really, difficult, confusing, and I felt lost…a lot.
I have reached the point in my life where I am starting to figure this shit out. And by “this shit” I guess I mean myself. I know how to make myself happy, and I know that looking to others for that will never work. I’ve been down some deep dark holes and have learned how to lift myself out of them. I know the importance of taking care of myself and while I feel completely independent, I am not naive enough to think that I don’t need others in my life. I know what I want out of life, and I know that if i’m honest with myself and others about those feelings that I will have exactly what I want and need.
What the f*&$ does that mean? This:
I want to travel the world. Not just those Conde Nast bucket list vacations, but crazy, off the beaten path shit.I don’t care about taking photos in front of inanimate objects, I want to experience other places, cultures, and the inherent effects of being totally outside of my comfort zone.
I want to get married. I don’t care about the actual wedding, I just want a partner – I want someone to experience all the good, bad, and awesome with. Adventures are much richer when spent with someone you love, and there are only so many selfies one can take.
I think I want a kid someday. And by that I mean, I’ll be ok if I don’t, but knowing myself and the feelings I’ve felt before, I think it would be pretty great to have a family with the person I share my life with.
I don’t want to work the standard 9-5 forever. It’s not me, never has been. I took over 200 hours off of work last year and I don’t feel bad about it.
I don’t need to be a lawyer. I don’t regret becoming one, but I know that I don’t need to be one.
I’ve made mistakes in my life. Some of them big, some of them small. Most notable were times when “I should have just gotten on that damn plane.” many lessons learned.
My wants, needs, desires, passions will likely change a million times over the next ten years.
I may thrive while living simply on an island wearing flip flops and no makeup to work, but I will always love Louis Vuitton, luxury hotels, a nice glass of champagne, and a trip to Nordstrom.
I’ll follow up on 8/22 and we’ll see if I still feel the same.